That's how I feel about this entry.  It's late in coming, but in a lot of ways it applies to the day I keep intending to write about.

We can't miss a week of open mic, we can't miss a post about the open mic.  The day started fine, but ended a little oddly.  After keeping a co-worker waiting forever to drive me home, I still had Mike's keys, so I couldn't leave.  Thankfully I did have my guitar, so I was able to sit alone in the office and practice until he was ready to leave.

I guess I'm bored, or maybe dissatisfied with all of my original tunes right now, so I spent all the time I had left before the open mic looking for new covers on the internet.  It's a really good thing that I practiced earlier or I would have been completely fucked.

So I headed down and saw a couple of people I know a little bit.  The annoying little man made his appearance, but thank gods, took off rather quickly.  I wasn't really feeling the whole performer bit...  I haven't been for a little while, but after a very interesting conversation that I think I needed to have, I felt that I really needed to make myself do this.

I was mostly alone for most of the time.  There is no worse feeling than being surrounded by people who are laughing and talking and having a good time and feeling utterly alone...  lonely and isolated.  It's a very helpless feeling and moment to be inside and I think I've been feeling that lately more often than I've admitted to myself.  If I don't have some sort of safety net at these performances, I don't only feel like I'm going to fall, I feel like I am falling, before during and after I perform.

But then Bobby D and Tom (his drummer) showed up!  That was the safety, or at least part of it, that I needed.  I felt much more grounded (which is weird because Bobby is not an overly grounding kind of person) and MUCH more comfortable in getting up on stage.

Being bored with my originals led me to play two covers, which is not something I usually do.  In fact, in the entire time I've been going to this open mic, I've only done two covers total.  So, I guess to some extent, this was a new thing.  I opened with Summertime and closed with Fever. 

Everyone always tells me that they love my voice.  I never feel like I get *real* feedback from the audience, only from my friends.  Bobby loved Fever, felt that Summertime was only mediocre.  Tom just nodded and grinned like an idiot - lol.  I love those Spitfire Pilot guys...

Mike tried to make it, I gotta give him that, and he did make it to the Lark Tavern...  about 2 minutes after I got offstage.  But he's a good sport about things and hung out with me and Bobby and Tom for several hours.  We pretty much stayed until Spitfire Pilot (sans bassist) played...  there wasn't much left after that.

But it's that safety net that makes all the difference.  I feel *much* less insecure about talking to people when I know I have people I can go back to when I'm done.  I feel much more comfortable getting up on stage when I know *someone* is going to give it to me straight about my performance when I come back down.  That's the piece that has been missing all too often lately. 

It makes me lose interest when I feel like people are just being nice...  that's not helpful, I need to know what you REALLY think...  and only my friends are able to do that for me.

~FG };^>