Sometimes there are people who go ridiculously far out of their way for you.  Sometimes there are people who go above and beyond anything you could possibly expect for reasons that you may never understand.

It's really hard for me when people do that.

I am not very good at taking kindness from people.  I'm rather suspicious of motives most, if not all, of the time.  I am not very good at telling people how important they are to me or how much the little things mean.  I am not very good at taking compliments.  I am not very good at believing that people do nice things (for me) for no other reason than they care.

It's just not in my nature.  But I still make the effort.

So, I try to find the perfect thing.

There is no one perfect thing.  It varies from person to person and situation to situation.  There are hundreds of thousands of perfect things, but for any given moment, there is only one that fits.  I have both given and been given perfect things throughout my life, but never have I seen them duplicated.  It's subjective and personal and, most importantly, it's a surprise.  The perfect thing is NEVER something that has been asked for.

The perfect thing is thank you and I love you and a thousand other things that I can't ever seem to find the right words for.  It is exceedingly rare to find that for any person, though some are harder than others.  For Parizad I found the perfect thing, in concept if not in design, when I was given the key to her heart.  Princess has found the perfect thing for me twice, once with perfume and again with penguins.

But the perfect thing isn't always an object, and it usually isn't something expensive or elaborate.  It can be something that comes from the heart, like a song or a poem; it can be something made, like dinner or a scarf; it can be a hand-me-down or a found object; it can be anything with meaning, no matter how obscure the meaning is, and the meaning is what defines it as the perfect thing.

There is a perfect thing for every person.  There is a perfect thing for every moment.  Finding it is hard to do.  I am constantly on the lookout for perfect things for everyone I know.  Sometimes I know what it is, but can't track it down, sometimes I know I'm looking, but not what for. 

I am in search of a perfect thing.  I found something that will suffice, but it's just not perfect...  and until I can achieve that, for this moment, for this person, I will likely never be satisfied.

What I find amusing and annoying at the same time is that I've known, for months, that I would *need* a perfect thing for one particular person and couldn't come up with the answer.  It was only ever a matter of time.  I hoped that it would be longer before I needed it, but now I'm stuck, not knowing, hoping that what will suffice will somehow actually suffice.

But it won't convey all the things that I want it to.  Then again, maybe all I really need to convey right now is "Thank you."  I think it does that.  I just wish it would do more.

One thing is for certain, though, I never EVER stop looking.  Not for now, not for then, not for the future.  There is always a perfect thing, and I know it when I see it.

~FG };^>