"I gotta go" was all I really could say as the room swam, my stomach turned and I shivered uncontrollably.  I don't know that I've ever quite worked myself to that point before, but there's nothing else I can think of to explain it.

I think that part of the problem is simply how intent I am on getting the job done, regardless of what it costs me, but the toll that's being exacting seems like it's going to be a harsh one.  Don't get me wrong, I love the work that I do.  I never would have made the career change 5 years ago if I didn't ADORE working in IT, but this project just keeps taxing me.

Something's gotta give and the promises that it will are not so much filled with hope as causing me to doubt that it will happen, making more stress for me.  I've had two miracle nights in a row where the job ran so smoothly that it was almost frightening (did I skip a step?  did I screw it up?  how many voice mails will I come into tomorrow?), but I'm trying to take it in stride.

My whole body hurts.  I'm freezing and I think I might be running a fever.  I want to sleep for DAYS. 

And there are enough people who would take all of that and take a few days off.  Not me, though.  I'm either just that dedicated or just that stupid that tomorrow at 6am I'll be up and getting ready for work.  I'll stay until anywhere between 7pm and 10pm (depending on the problems), come home, pass out (no dinner) and wake up on Friday to start the grind all over again.

I need to finish this project so that I can move forward and start working on something else.  The tedium of the details and the repeated process over and over and over again...  they're all factors in this ridiculous thing.  Other people are seeing it; shit, other people are SAYING things about it.  I'm so tired these days and trying to preoccupy my own thoughts with distractions like crushes and weekend plans are not working at all.

I guess I'm running on autopilot now.  The main concern is whether or not I'm going to run out of gas.

~FG };^>