Though I am still licking my wounds, talking about things to various people has helped immensely.  When I got home from work yesterday, I cried a little on a friend's shoulder, then hid in my room and cried a little more, then I took a nap.

I had some really bizarre dreams that I think were trying to tell me something.  No one probably wants to read about my dreams and I've analyzed them enough on my own to mostly understand what I think the message is.

I'm going to have to say the scariest 4 words in the English language: "We need to talk."  And then, I'm going to have to have a conversation that I really don't want to have.  It's a scary prospect and it feels like a risky one, but I can't shake the feeling that it's the right thing to do and pretty much the right time (if there ever is such a thing) to do it.

I am scared to death of what this means.  I have knots in my stomach just thinking about all the things I need to say, both out of respect for him and for our friendship, but also for myself and to avoid past mistakes that I don't want to make again.

But one thing I know with certainty is that I can't stay here anymore.  I have to do something, I have to actually take action.  Fear be damned, I have to suck it up and be the person everyone expects me to be, the person that I show, the person that they know.

I have to just do it.