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Sunday, October 30, 2005
What makes a great blog? (Response posting)
Jason asks an interesting question.
It's a question that I, too, have wondered about from time to time. What counts as success in the blogging, or more specifically, in the personal blogging world? Sure, the political blogs want to be counted amongst the pundits, or cited as sources in some mainstream media outlet. The technological blogs want to influence you as a consumer. But the personal blogs, the ones without a real topic, the online journals, if you will, where is the measure of success for them?
I read an article, back in September, that talked about the results of a survey of bloggers. (HRMPH! No one asked ME.) I guess the working theory is that people who blog do so because they want to be political pundits or wish they had pursued a career in journalism, but the reality is that most people (about a third) blog as a form of therapy, of sorts. They do it to get those thoughts out. They do it as a journal.
This, to me, leaves the question, Why do we then, post our personal thoughts in such a public forum as the internet? This question is somewhat answered within that article linked above:
"In a way, blogs serve as oral history," Bill Schreiner, vice president of AOL Community, said in a statement. "When it comes to sharing blogs and reading other people's blogs, we like to connect with people, learn about their lives, and find common ground. There's no pressure to write about a particular subject or keep blogs maintained a certain way, and it's not necessarily a popularity contest."
But I disagree with this assessment to a point. I think there is a measure of the popularity contest. I think that we all want to be needed or loved or wanted. (*surreptitious look at the current poll on the sidebar*) That's what Google, and more specifically, the Page-Rank system has done to us. We all Google ourselves from time to time, and it's either an ego boost or it dashes our hopes (or maybe leaves us relieved if we're looking for a measure of anonymity).
Jason asks:
But how do you determine what makes good content? Does the writing have to be good or just the topic? The blogs which seem to get the most traffic tend to be somewhat on the controversial side. What if I don’t want to stir up controversy? How can I get people to read what I write? Should I even care? I’m not trying to do this to make money, so does it really matter whether anyone is reading?
I think that the success of blogs is not necessarily determined at all by whether or not you have good content or a decent style. I don't think it necessarily matters what, if anything, your topic is, but rather, who you know. I think that the more people you know, the more traffic you'll have. The more people you know who *also* blog, the more links will exist to your blog.
For example, Jason, I found your blog one day after reading a comment you made in Al's Words. I clicked the link when you said "I have a new blog, check it out." and I read it for days before you prompted me to finally reply. I left a link, which is not something I normally do... well, I'm picky about it at the very least, and the next thing I knew, you had a link to my blog on yours. I almost immediately returned the courtesy. That's just how things tend to work in the blogosphere. One hand washes the other.
(Just a random interjection here. I had originally written "blogsphere" because, to me, it sounds better and the Google Toolbar's spellchecker which does not recognize such words as "blogging" or "bloggers" changed it to "blog osphere. I found that rather odd and worth noting.)
The blogs I see that seem to get the most traffic are the blogs of teens. They don't necessarily have much to say, or at least not much of social or political import... I'm sure it's important to them, though, I remember being a teenager. They discuss the latest gossip and the homework they put off until the last minute. They speak in code (I guess it's a sign that I'm getting old that I keep thinking some of these are in foreign languages, but they're not, they're in CODE!) and they tag each others boards with silly little comments that we, of Generations X and Y, would have had to call to say... or page to each other. LOL.
I also think there's something to memes. I've become fascinated with the concept of memes lately. I'm not interested in playing those games, but it's given me a great research project. The memes that I link to above are not what are commonly known as memes within the blog community.
Essentially, they are shared topics for those without the ideas to create new content. IMO, little more than a cop-out, closely related to the chain mail that plagues our inboxes. "Let's play a game... tell me your fondest dream, your favorite color and your very first pet's name and I'll... " well, it's ME we're talking about here. I'll delete it and tell you to kiss my ass. (Well, I probably won't tell you that, but that's what I'll be thinking.)
Back on topic.
What makes a good blog, or even a great blog, is the person who's writing it. It's not about the people who read it, at least it shouldn't be. If it becomes that, at least actively, then I truly believe that you've failed. I think you can wonder and question it, but more than anything, aren't you questioning yourself and your motivations for doing it?
I don't know that there's any more success to a blog than there is to a journal. If you fill every page of a blank book with secret thoughts and hopes and dreams, are you then successful? With a blog, there is no end to the pages... it goes on forever, so that measure of success doesn't work. Writing every day, at least for people who have other things isn't realistic. I mean, it can be, and it can work, but everyone gets caught up in real life. If you skip a day (or two or three or seventeen) does that mean you've failed?
Can you measure success without an equal standard of failure? If not, then I think that most blogs that are written to some regular extent are ALL successful. Because I don't believe that failure exists in blogging, unless you get sued for it.
Yeah, I think you have to have clear motivations and an equal idea of failure to gauge the success of a blog. If you don't have both of those, then any measure of success that you try to apply simply will not fit.
Is it not enough to know that people care enough about YOU to want to know what you think or what you feel?
I ask myself that question on a regular basis, my dears. Usually it is.
~FG };^>
Posted at 22:51 by FyreGoddess
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Some people never learn...
I try to be the type of person who learns from my mistakes, and let me tell you, I make plenty of them, on a regular basis. Some people, though, it seems, are destined to make the same mistake over and over again, even though they have learned first-hand what sort of consequences are in store.
I was a teenage mother. Thankfully, it was my late teens, rather than the early ones, but a teen mother nonetheless. It changed my life in ways I'm sure I"ll never know, since I didn't have the opportunity to experience anything outside of what life brought me. Not that it was a "mistake" per se, honestly, what I got out of it, at the very least, is a wonderful child who is growing up to be a wonderful person in his own right.
For years I said that I would never have another. In recent weeks or maybe months, I've been coming around on that front, realizing that, as young as I am, it's something I could wind up considering if the right person came along. But one thing that I know for sure is that even if I do decide to have another child, it will be a decision that I and my partner make, not one that is made for us from a stupid mistake. It will not be a situation where I don't like *any* of the options and you can damn well bet it won't happen while I am still legally married (which should be ending any day now).
I have no room to talk. It's not my right to be judgemental on this front, it's really none of my business, but I am affected by the situation. It's not my business, but it really still is.
*sigh* How can I talk about this without giving it all away on such a public forum?
They're both in school. She's just a child herself, having only recently become legal to drink. He's much older and already playing the part and raising a child from the same sort of mistake. They had plans. Plans to finish school, plans to move from coupledom to living together to married, plans to set the situation right so that all those things could happen, and in the "right" order.
Now, who knows if either of them will finish school. Who knows whether or not their relationship will weather something like this. She's already going to be giving up some of her newly-found freedom, bound now to a child sprung upon her.
And all I can think is, What was he thinking? How could he not have already learned?
Yes, I am being judgemental. Perhaps unfairly so. It is not really my business, even though it affects me tangentially. But this never should have happened now. It shouldn't have happened before OUR papers were signed.
It makes me feel weird, knowing that I have no commitment or obligation here, but at the same time I have that stupid piece of paper that tells me I should feel... something about this. What I really feel is shock at the not having learned, and pity for the girl who could have... should have had more of a life of her own.
It's really none of my business. But I can still have feelings about it.
Not that I'd ever tell them. For them, I worry, and that they can know. All the rest of it, maybe I'm being petty or stupid, but I am really just in shock. You'd think he would have learned by now.
~FG };^>
Posted at 16:34 by FyreGoddess
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Saturday, October 29, 2005
I enjoy being a girl (Part II)
...except when I don't.
The physical symptoms of being female are difficult to bear at times, but that is probably the smallest piece of it. Societal inputs affect the psyche, even when you're conscious of the ill-effects they bring. Being outside of the mainstream not only affects how people think of you, but also how you think of yourself.
I pride myself on being a strong, independent woman, but I can't help but feel certain ways about things that almost undermine everything else I believe in. I believe that women should take the initiative in asking men out. But my inner voice tells me that he'll reject me if I do that. I believe that women should not be afraid to speak their mind and be as brazen as they please. But every time I do it, I feel like a disclaimer is in order. I believe that women should not feel the "shoulds" of makeup and pantyhose and dressing for either other women or for what they think men want. But when people tell me how much prettier I would be, or hell, like the woman who described me as a "masculine-looking woman", it makes me wonder whether or not I'm woman enough to find a decent guy.
You know, the logical part of my mind knows that most of this is bullshit. It's societal-based manipulations and conditioning, but if everyone is subjected to that line of thinking (and, it's true, everyone is), then how can I really feel comfortable in stepping outside of that? I mean, really, I have emotions and instincts and desires just like everyone else, but can I fulfill those desires, can I meet those instincts when I'm so far removed from what I'm "supposed" to be?
It sucks sometimes, you know? The whole bit about being a girl, while at the same time, not being the girl that the mainstream wants me to be. Most of the time I'm happy, but some of the time I'm second-guessing myself.
I mean, here I am... I realized several months ago that I was falling in love with someone... someone I didn't expect to fall in love with. I still haven't said a word. Well, that's not true, I have, but I haven't done it in any kind of way that he would know. I haven't looked him in the eye and said, "****, I think I've fallen in love with you." Why? I hate the answers that I know are true.
1) Because girls don't do that.
2) What if he rejects me?
3) How could I ever look him in the eye again?
4) I don't want to lose him.
5) I'm not his type (though I'm not even sure I know what his "type" is).
6) He's not interested in me like that.
And the other girls say I'm chicken. That I'm silly. That I'm being a girl about this. And you know what? They are right. I am. I'm being that mainstream, "society tells me I should...", stereotypical girl that you see on television and in magazines and in books.
Because that's what I've been taught. And whether I actively pursue it or not, somehow it has infected me. Whether it's who I am most of the time or not, whether it's something that I fight against, it's always still there.
But, for the most part, it's rare. For the most part, I don't get into that.
For the most part, I DO enjoy being a girl... and the rest of the time, I ride it out and wait until it's over and I can move back into the happy parts again.
Never do I wish I were a guy... no matter how many times they say "MAN, I'm glad I'm a guy. I don't know how you women do it." I still know that even under the pain and heartbreak and giving in to the societal urges, I LIKE being a girl. I like sometimes wearing makeup and looking cute and all the things that I said in Part I.
Even when it's hard.
~FG };^>
Posted at 19:14 by FyreGoddess
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I enjoy being a girl (Part I)
Most of the time, that is.
I went to lunch with some of the boys yesterday. It was a really fun experience. I think we all felt like we were magically transported back to our teenage years, at least for the time we were out of the office - heh.
All four of us are the same age, with one being a year older. We were in the same crowds in high school, though in different high schools. Two of the boys have known each other forever, but there wasn't a lot of in-jokes between them. We all, for that hour, could have been 16/17 years old, but with all the experiences of our 30(something) existence.
I did one thing that's out of character for me, though. I decided to "play the gender card". I'm very much not the type of person to do that. I don't like being treated differently for being female, when I mostly spend time with men, but every now and then I can use it to get my way. Like shotgun, or having the doors opened for me. It's silly, I know, but every now and again, it's worth playing with. Of course, it does have its drawbacks. Playing the gender card causes more mocking than I usually get. It's a trade off and one that I chose for the day.
It was later, when I was talking to one of the boys that I remembered why it's important for me to play the gender card from time to time. I remembered why I started wearing girl shoes and tit-shirts. "It's been about 10 years... no, 7... no 5 since I've heard that horrible statement, 'OMG, Fyre, I forgot you were a girl!' and I don't ever want to go back to getting that statement." It used to happen all the time. The boys I'd spend time with would feel so comfortable with me in the room that they wouldn't put up the wall that girls are not supposed to be able to get through. They'd talk about their penises or bitch about their girlfriends or openly ogle someone walking by, inevitably leading them to exclaim that they "forgot" I wasn't one of the guys... even though I always have been.
I have a total of four close female friends. Ones that I talk to on a regular basis. Ones that I love like sisters. Of those four, ONE lives in the area, but she is one of the busiest women I know... so I don't see her all that often. You know, I like that. I like the way that works out. I like that they're only a phone call away when I need them or when they need me, but I also like that they're usually a train or plane ride away too, because women make me ~*CrAzY*~
So I don't mind being *the* girl. I never minded being the one who had to sit across the laps in the backseat because everyone else was a guy. I never mind being the one nominated to catch the bartender's eye or to ask for whatever is needed or even to call and find out how late the store is open. They often ask me because I'm the girl, but I do it because I'm GOOD at it.
I let them open the doors for me. I take the shit they dish out when I can't keep up because I *brilliantly* decided to wear heels that cut my pace by 1/4. I make statements like "My opinion is not my own" because, on certain topics, when I'm reliant on someone else for [fill in the blank], it's just not fair for me to make decisions that should be in the hands of other people.
I don't generally play the gender card. Usually, when I do, I have a damn good reason, like a skirt too short to reasonably be expected to climb out of the backseat of a car or heels that slow me down or needing to woo some information or favor out of someone that will benefit the group. What they get in return for that is free reign of the contents of my purse, some insight (as needed) to women as a whole, and complete access (and subjection *wink*) to the smiling pretty and batting of eyelashes.
I enjoy being a girl. I enjoy being *the* girl, when I can. It's great fun to flirt with impunity, with ALL OF THEM. It's a blast to be the center of attention for a comment that one man simply cannot make to another. It makes me happy to know that I can surround myself with people who can help to keep me safe, even though I do a pretty damn good job of doing it myself, an extra measure never hurts.
I wonder how many women, women who actually enjoy the company of other women, know what they're missing. Two of my girls are guys girls, like me. They know what it's about. The other two can't seem to understand.
I enjoy being a girl. Mainly because I'm usually the only one, and there are things that girls can do that boys just can't. I like to do those things. I like to help. And, let's be honest here, I like the rewards that sometimes come from being the only one who carries a purse, or understands how to lean over, show a little, bat my eyelashes, smile pretty and do it all for the benefit of the group.
~FG };^>
Posted at 15:25 by FyreGoddess
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Thursday, October 27, 2005
(And it's almost exclusively guys, too. Almost.)
If you do not have an internet handle, then you will be called by your real name. In the case of those who have an exceedingly common name ( Mike. Jason.), and it becomes necessary, then I will either refer to you with an initial or I will change your name to something less common and to my liking. (The primary exception here would be if you have an actual website that I can link to. That way I can have your name linked and that clears things up... maybe). Princess has already suggested that the *new* Mike that I recently met was simply one Mike too many and that I should change his name (arbitrarily) to Vinny. I am still undecided on that front, so be warned, I could decide that your new name is Ezekiel or maybe even Bertha, depending on my mood at the moment.
Welcome to the 21st century, boys. You *all* need an online persona, or risk being known as your real self. (Or risk being subjected to my whims... and we ALL know about my whims, no?)
You have been warned.
~FG };^>
Posted at 20:31 by FyreGoddess
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It's another Wednesday evening, and another open mic...
Points for making the connection... it's a painful stretch, though. In my head it works - lol.
More news from the rock and roller front.
The Lark Tavern open mic last night. Coming off of what was far from being a good performance at the Bayou the night before, I wasn't really feeling it. There was next to no one there, not even the jam band who promised me they'd come back this week.
I was ready to do something different from the night before, in the hopes of giving Jason a little better idea of what I'm capable of, but I also wanted to stick with songs that I know I can play, so I chose them based on genre/style and ease of chord changes. Also, after Mike's comments about my intros, I have decided to go back to rehearsing the intros as well. Honestly, I'm not even sure why I stopped doing that. It makes having intros easier and I feel more at ease, generally, when I can tell a story about what I'm about to do.
So I was ready.
And then I had a CRAPPY CRAPPY CRAPPY evening. From the moment I walked into the house the whole day took this sudden turn and went straight downhill. I'm not even going to get into the details. This is not even something I want to try to remember down the road.
So fast forward to I get to the Lark Tavern. Very few people there, but the sign-up is well populated. I don't entirely understand how that happened. I'm already in a foul mood and almost as soon as I get my first beer, I manage to spill half of it all over the table... and the floor... and my wallet... and ME.
But I move on, and I get accosted by the annoying little man. This time, though, I finally found a way to make him go away and leave me alone. Basically, all I had to do was show him up... without even trying. He's standing there talking about how he doesn't feel comfortable without a band behind him and how he needs to find other musicians to play with so he can record and do shows (he's done one, back in July).
The thing about this guy is that he's pompous about stupid things. He seems to want me to believe that he's a lot more successful in his music than he actually is, that he's wiser than me somehow and that couldn't be further from the truth. He was stunned when he started asking about my mother and I started listing off her accomplishments. I think that he *wanted* her to be more of an amateur, and totally was not expecting to be floored by the fact that my mother has been pursuing a musical career longer than he has been alive. He was also certainly taken aback when I mentioned that I have known Mother Judge and several of the regular performers (some of whom he "uses" in his own performances) for over 20 years.
His eyes started to turn green.
*Then* I told him about the open mic on Tuesday. I didn't even really talk much about the performance, but getting invited to perform with the Galway Garage Band and getting some free recording out of it, well that pretty much shut him up. I know, I know, it was kind of a snobbish move, but I'm kind of a snobbish person and I had to get him off me. I think that once he figured out that I have more connections than he does and that I'm moving faster on this than he is, he lost interest in the (apparent) idea of "taking me under his wing". Or something, I don't even know.
So he's up first and it's the same exact thing that I've heard from him every week. Every week he says "I don't want to play the same song(s) that I always play" and every week it sounds exactly the same. He says he has a good number of songs (a couple more than I have - braggart!), but I swear I just keep hearing the same, maybe THREE, over and over and over again. But I digress. Second performer goes up and is also, not very good. Not exactly bad, but not good either. This was about the point where I was seriously considering taking my name off the list and just going home for the night. (Keep in mind, at this point, I now had confirmation that none of my friends were coming out for this one.)
As the second performer starts his second song, Mother Judge comes up to me. "This is painful," she says. "These guys aren't very good tonight and Albie" (the performer scheduled to go on next) "isn't here. You're up next. I'm relying on you to make things better. Make it pretty, ok?"
Yeah, no pressure, right?
Well, I did alright. Like I said, I chose songs I KNOW. Ones I've done before and don't generally screw up on. First song went better than the second, but I can't feel especially good about it, only because I was in such a foul mood all night long. So I split. Sadly, I split without even so much as a goodbye and didn't even stay to see one of my favorite regulars there. I was just too wrapped up in the negatives and felt like I was... I don't know, like other people were feeling my bad mood. I don't like to be that, so I went home.
Tonight will be another rock and roll night, but I won't be the rockstar, I'll be in the audience. Three in a row is rough, but I can do it. I feel way subdued, though. Not in my rock and roller mode so much right now.
~FG };^>
Posted at 20:30 by FyreGoddess
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I apologize in advance for how ridiculously long this entry is. I didn't know when I started how long it would wind up being, but I feel like so much happened, I don't want to miss anything. I tried harder than usual to not tangent off and to not ramble and it's still ridiculously long. I'm sorry.
You know, I almost didn't go to the open mic last night. I think part of why I did was because it was a chance for people who had never seen me before to come out and actually see me perform. Only a handful turned out (and one showed up after I was already offstage), but still at least they had the chance.
I was pretty nervous after Mom's comment about crapping out when they record you. I was also rather nervous about coming out of the excellent feel-good open mic from last week. I didn't have nearly as much time as I would have liked to practice and so, for all these reasons, my stomach was in knots. I explained to Mike that I *had* to eat before I went onstage and then pretty much promptly determined that I was not at all hungry, not interested in food, don't care what it is, but I gotta eat to live and I gotta do it BEFORE I go onstage. (You know, I really gotta say, Mike is a VERY good sport about these things.)
I had never been to the Bayou Café before, but the name really should have given it away for me. Yeah... they specialize in Southwestern and Cajun cuisine. Fun times, considering that I am allergic to pepper(s). Yeah, that's right, ALL OF THEM. My options were extremely limited. The poor waitress was subjected to, "Bring me this, but I'm allergic to peppers - ALL KINDS OF PEPPERS - and I don't want any sour cream, and I don't want any guacamole, and..." And, you know, I felt so bad about how picky I was being that I didn't even get what I wanted in full... I still wound up picking things out of the salad. But I did eat.
So Amber, followed shortly after by Jason, show up. The sound check is wrapping up and the first performer is getting ready to head up on stage. I have (as I'm sure I've mentioned in passing, if not in detail) a tradition of Courage before I go onstage. It is a very rare occurrence that I go without. Most times I, along with anyone else at my table who is performing (or not, that part depends, but the performers *always* do it with me - it's tradition!) will do one shot of Courage just to get us up on stage. After that, there is NO backing out. I am now a bundle of nerves and I can't seem to find the waitress. I go to the bar and find her, where I am told I have to go through her to get my damned shot. I go back to the table, wait, she comes over and I tell her that I need a shot of Jager and I need it now. I even explained that I was about to go onstage and needed that before I went up. (This waitress made me miss Jessica at the Lark Tavern. I <3 her.)
Well, I guess she didn't really understand the concept of "now" because she never actually came back. I was all wrapped up in myself and how quickly I was going onstage that I didn't even notice that Mike wound up going to the bar to get me my Courage before I went up on stage. ( Yay, Mike!!! He is totally the best!)
Tempted, though I may be to gloss over the performance itself, I feel like I need to go ahead and talk about it, anyway...
It took *for-ev-er* to get me set up. First it was the wrong vocal mic, then the pickup didn't sound right, then we couldn't get the other mic in the right spot or close enough to my mouth. Oh it was just all kinds of hell. Finally got it all set up and I intro-ed my first song. I really didn't think anything of it, I'd been practicing the three songs, in order and with intros since the weekend, so I felt pretty good. I felt pretty good about the first song, too, right up until the point that the sound guy came up to me and said, "I think you might have a string out of tune."
Well, that, right there, was my moment of sheer and utter panic. I tuned up before I went onstage, but somehow my low E went out. Any other string I could have worked around, but I lean pretty heavily on my low E. So, what else could I do? I tuned up and moved on to my next song, at which point my confidence was shot. I couldn't get back that moment of "Oh yeah, I'm going to wow them", it was simply...
Gone.
*shrug* But I stuck to my "script" (such as it was) and my intros were good, even if my singing/guitar were sub-par for me. Back to my table I go, people coming up to me lying about how good I was... not so much lying to me, but lying to themselves. You can like something without it being good. I think that's a concept that most people don't understand. I was not particularly *good* last night, except maybe the first song. After that, I hit mediocre, at best.
Ah, but it's my friends who make it all make sense. It's the support network that I try to build around me. Asty had shown up about halfway through my first song, so there was a full table of people waiting for me when I got back. I listened to them give it to me straight (and, wow, I appreciate Jason's honesty more than my words can do justice - he had never seen me perform before, so I never had a chance to hear his opinion on something so... *thinks*... important? personal? something like that). Basically, they saw, without even knowing or seeing what happened, my confidence falter. They all noticed when the performance made its turn, but none of them knew what was going on or why it happened that way. I was shaken by the out of tune string, which no one else knew about, but it was at that moment where things changed for me and the people who actually matter were able to help me see how it worked.
I don't ever want people to lie to me. No matter how hard the truth is to take, there's always something to it that you *need*. For me, it's usually some kind of clarity. Last night my friends helped to make things more clear... and pull my head out of those "being hard on myself" and "not being able to see things for what they are" mindsets.
The organizer of the open mic also came up to me "good job, glad to see you again, happy you came..." and proceeded to tell me that the buzz from the crowd during my performance was that I reminded several people of Joan Armatrading, who is one of very few female performers that I consider a strong influence. With her, specifically, I think a lot has to do with her songwriting over anything else, but the "girl and her guitar" theme kinda fits, I guess... heh.
Outside to cool off, check voicemail (Mom: "I can't imagine you're performing already, but maybe you are..."), smoke a cigarette and say goodbye to Asty. How sweet that he showed up and only just to see/hear *me*. I am way flattered.
After my performance it was time for shmoozing. Time to become a social butterfly. Time to make them all love me.
There was this one guy who I saw the last time GE did an open mic and that night I developed a bit of a musical crush (only! the guy is way old for me) on him. Seeing him last night just strengthened that, so when his band got off the stage I walked up and said "I want to sing with you." Well, believe it or not, he was totally into it. He started listing off ideas of songs we could do together, telling me about how he felt like his vocals weren't really strong enough to carry the band, but how with two singers (and me, making three), he'd love the opportunity to work out some three-part harmony, maybe some kind of duet... and... They're playing a show on November 29 and they would really like me to practice with them and be able to play that show!
Ok, so now I'm feeling good. NOW I'm so glad that I went to this open mic (since I came pretty close to not doing this one)... but there's more.
(I know, this is so long... I'm so sorry...)
Back to the table, Steve shows up (lol, miscommunication, he thought it started an hour later than it did. We're still arguing about who made the actual mistake.) Jason and Amber leave shortly after. Honestly, I'm touched by the fact that he came, even if he wasn't there for my performance. It's still support and the intentions were right. That was pretty cool... also pretty cool was the fact that he stayed for almost the entire rest of the night.
But I am a busy, restless thing, so I can't sit still for *too* long. I have to have another round of shmoozing and, at this point, I kind of have to do it soon, before I am too drunk to do it right. So we go for round two.
I make nice with a couple other performers, then move on to chat with the man who organized this. He's a really nice guy, dulcimer player, but he didn't perform, probably because it was more electric this time around. After a few minutes talking it came to light that he's been looking for other, more acoustic-friendly venues, but he doesn't have a lot of contacts. It looks like he may wind up in touch with me and I may wind up helping to put the next one of these things together. That would be pretty cool, and I have the contacts to help with that.
So then I move on to chat with the sound guy. At this point, I don't know whether or not he actually recorded me or what his overall plan is for distributing the CDs afterward. So I pop up behind him and he does the making nice bit ("you were great, love your voice, blah blah blah") and then says, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't get the levels right on you. I don't think I got you recorded at all."
AUGH! Crushed. *heartbreak*
Then, he hands me his card. He says, "This is my first time attempting to record a live performance, but I have a studio set up in my house. I'd love to have you come over so that I can record you. For free, of course."
And OH MY GODS, how cool is that?
And there you have it. The nutshell: Crapped out, but had some potentially ~*wonderful*~ things come of it anyway. My friends are fantastic and so supportive.
I'm gonna be a rockstar!
Here's hoping, anyway.
~FG };^>
Posted at 18:22 by FyreGoddess
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Monday, October 24, 2005
They tell me I should write a book.
"They" being a whole lot of different people. To be honest, it's something I've always wanted to do. I mean, there are a whole lot of people out there who want to write a great American novel and, sure, I'm one of them, but I've never really made the attempt.
Don't get me wrong, there have certainly been times where I sat down with every intention of churning out a novel. I've had several ideas that never came to fruition or that stumped me at some point in the process. I've attempted this on the computer, with a pen and paper in a regular college-ruled notebook, even on a typewriter, but to no avail. Even though I've had several stints of unemployment, it seems that I am simply not inspired during those downtimes and wind up finding other things to do with my time.
When I tell stories of my life, though, that's when people's interest is often sparked. They say "Wow, you should write a book." But I don't know how I could ever convey so much of the frankly bizarre things that I've experienced and/or witnessed in my life. Half the stories I tell need physical gestures or inflections in tone. For some reason, they often do not translate well to text.
Further, my stories don't seem to follow a single timeline. There's the story of my relationship with the Dragonmaker which crosses with the story of K and the stories of tens of other people that deserve to be told; and the stories from college and the stories from places I've been or people I've known; and while all of those things tie together in terms of timeline, I think that they are individual story lines that deserve a moment of their own in the spotlight. I don't know how else to define it, I don't know that you can understand what I mean.
I've been thinking about it, though. Thinking of ways to write my life, or at least parts of it, that step outside of the standard timeline. I think it's the only way to go. No matter how much I write or how many pages I fill, it will never be enough. It will never be accurate and it will never be the whole story. Even I'm not sure what questions are the ones that need to be answered, so I think it's simply a matter of telling the stories I've told time and again, only this time telling them the *right way*, or at least the way that will stay around.
I find myself giving new definitions to chapters. This chapter is a person... this chapter is an event... this chapter is a collection from a place or a thing. One MMO is a chapter to itself. Falcon Ridge is a chapter to itself. School is at least one chapter, maybe two... but even those cross themselves. Maybe even to the point of sub-chapters. The whole thing feels daunting and too big to wrap my brain around.
But they keep telling me that I should write a book... and one day I'm sure I will.
~FG };^>
Posted at 21:49 by FyreGoddess
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
Way to freak me out, MOM!
So, more open mics coming up. This week, beyond the regular Wednesday thing at the Lark Tavern, I'm going to be playing an open mic with all performers where I work. I did this once before, to better success than I feel I earned that night, and several people (when they found out I was back from my hiatus, such as it was) got pretty excited to find out I was going to be there, which is nice.
This is a really nice one, too, for several reasons. The first is that it's a new location for me. Not only one I've never played, but also one I don't think I've ever been to. That makes things exciting to a degree. Also, it's farther from home than I usually play, as well as being much earlier in the evening, which means that a lot of people who have asked about my music will be able to actually come out and see me perform (and still be home before their bedtimes - lol).
You see, there are a lot of people who ask about my music, once they find out that I write/sing/play/perform. People ask if I have anything on CD (which I don't - yet) and if I ever play closer to them. Lots of these people live anywhere from 20-45 minutes away from me, so the 10pm shows mid-week are difficult, at best, for them to make. This one is closer to almost everyone but me, and starts at 7. I expect there to be quite a few more people that I know than I usually see at these things.
I haven't mentioned to *too* many folks that they will be recording this open mic. My first reaction to that was to be very excited. Even if it's only a live performance, at least that could be *something* that I could host and either stream or offer for download. Enough people (long-distance) have asked to hear my music, that I was looking at this as a wonderful opportunity to provide that... until I talked to my mother.
I guess, after reading my last entry, people who don't know my mom, or who haven't actually asked me this question, might be inclined to think that my mom is one of those people who is supportive no matter what. HAH! That couldn't be further from the truth. My mom isn't one to sugar coat things. She's not one to lie to spare ANYone's feelings. She's a tell-it-like-it-is kinda lady... in case y'all wondered where I got that from.
So she says to me, upon hearing that this open mic is being recorded, "Uh oh. Those are always the ones where you totally screw up."
Oh thanks SO MUCH, mom. That helps. You know, I've got people coming to this, who can't or at least haven't made the other ones before, I may have a chance to share my music with other people and you tell me THAT???
Good grief, now I feel cursed. I have to now try to be contrary and use this statement of likelihood to just prove the whole thing wrong.
Argh! You know, because I wasn't already nervous enough about this.
~FG };^>
Posted at 16:19 by FyreGoddess
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
Wow... That was... The BEST open mic EVER!
So I didn't talk about how nervous I was. I didn't talk about the fact that this was an incredibly BIG night for me. I didn't talk about how my mother was coming to this performance. Now I guess the first thing I need to say is that my mother is a classically trained musician in voice and piano. I should also mention that my mother plays guitar, mandolin, lap dulcimer and percussion. Probably worth mentioning is also the fact that she and my father were in a rock and roll band, General Eclectic, for many years and made a good name for themselves in the 80's, and the she's currently part of a folk duet with my stepfather.
Oh yeah, and she teaches piano, guitar and voice, plays at schools and libraries, gives workshops and teaches music to children.
No pressure there...
So finally Mom gets a sitter and decides to stay up way past her bedtime to come, see me perform and to perform herself (since Mother Judge is an old, dear friend of hers, and many of her friends/colleagues show up at the open mic). Tonight was that night.
I felt GOOD about my performance tonight. Before anyone said anything to me, I felt goddamn good. The songs I played, I was comfortable with and I made them come off, from my perspective, PERFECT. The notes were right, the chords were (mostly) right and I felt good about it. I felt like I did a good job.
And then they told me. Mother Judge told me. Annine told me. Mom told me. And, you know, that was more than enough for me. I felt good and they validated that.
And then Mom performed. She started off my telling the audience that she only came to support me, and that I signed her up to perform (which is half-true) and then she just blew them away with her quiet, brilliant songstressy. My mom is just... just... incredible. People agree, this is not just bias talking, she is really fucking good.
So she finished and this guy came up to me. He told me that my mom was great and he could hear where I got my voice. Then others started coming up and telling me how much I sound like my mom, and how good we BOTH were, separately. People were coming up to me that I had never spoken to before.
THEN... and OMG, what a THEN this is.
Tess, the owner of the Lark Tavern came up to me. She said, "You made me stop in my tracks with your voice. I was going into the back room to get some liquor and I heard you sing and I had to stop and take a minute to listen. This never happens."
Heh. I told her she must have been talking about my mom and she said, "No, it was you, and that NEVER happens."
Holy motherfucking shit. The *owner* of the Lark Tavern, who hears this shit almost every night stopped and took notice of ME... and even came to talk to me about it.
My mom says she was listening to me and it reminded her of herself. I've heard that before and it never ceases to melt me. Everyone said we were both fantastic and they now know where I get my voice.
I found a lead guitarist who wants to play with me.
And then, random shit, man. I go to Price Chopper to get some cat food and I run into this chick that I used to work with over 6 years ago at Bed, Bath and Beyond... and she recognized me.
What a night. And, for a Wednesday/Open Mic night, I'm not even up that late.
All you silly folks who didn't come to this one... you have no idea what you missed...
But there will be others, and they will be good, too. My confidence is really high right now. I only hope I can live up to it.
~FG };^>
Posted at 00:37 by FyreGoddess
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