Because I got all the posts moved and the layout is getting there, so I don't think I'm going to do much more over here with this blog.

http://www.fyregoddess.com/blog

~FG };^>

Ok, so I went ahead and registered the domain www.fyregoddess.com.  I am in the process of setting up my blog and moving all of the BlogDrive entries to www.fyregoddess.com/blog

For now, until I get all the entries moved, I'm going to go ahead and cross-post to both places, but it won't be long before I get everything moved and figure out how I wound up breaking the template *already*.

I figure, sometime in the next couple of days I'll be moved over, and there will be a final post made here to update your bookmarks, etc.  In the meantime, if you have something to say about the new blog, the colors, the template, how much of an idiot I am for having broken it already, go nuts.

~FG };^>

I can't even run a simple errand without getting some kind of story out of it.  This is just how things go.

After recording, I had 8 packages of CDs that needed to be sent out.  I think that all the local people got one handed to them right around (if not before) Christmas, and that was the goal, but the long-distance folks had to wait. 

On my walk to the Post Office, I stopped in the Ultraviolet Café for a cappuccino.  I found myself enticed by their pumpkin cheesecake, so I bought a slice to save for later.  This meant a to go box and figuring out how to carry it, so I emptied my bag of all the mail I needed to send and put the cheesecake in the bottom. 

The girl behind the counter asked me if I eBayed, since I had a lot of packages.  I explained that I had recently recorded and these were the CDs that I needed to send out.

"OH!  I know you!" she cried.  "You play at the Lark Tavern.  I've seen you perform.  You're fantastic.  I love your stuff, you have a great voice."

I was stunned.  I've ran into people outside of performances before, but never someone that I didn't also recognize.  Usually I meet other performers, this was the first time I was solely on the receiving end of things.

Now I have a big ego.  That was a very cool thing.

~FG };^>

I've been wasting a good bit of time surfing around checking out what people do with their blogs.  Up until the past week or so, the majority of my experience with other people's blogs were those of people I actually know, those linked from people I actually know or the occasional Recently Updated BlogDrive page.

So I've been doing the Blog Explosion thing, which exposes me to a lot of other sites.  Here's how it works.  You get .5 of a credit for each blog you visit (their choice) for a minimum of 30 seconds.  Each credit you accrue is then turned into a viewing of *your* site by another BE member.  (Hence, the increased hit counts on my blog.)  It's a tit for tat kind of thing, and I like that.  You have to put in a minimal amount of effort in order to see results for yourself and, every now and again, you find a really good blog to read or maybe just save for later.

But, OMG, the crap I have to sit through sometimes. 

Granted, it's only 30 seconds, but sometimes that is downright painful.  I don't understand the mindsets of some of these people, and I more and more understand the points and even point (in terms of existence) of the blog review sites.

1. Why are you asking for pay pal donations on your personal blog?  I can understand if you're providing a service.  I can understand if you're selling a product.  I can even understand if you're writing stories, a novel, poetry or showing your photos.  But holy crap, is anyone actually donating money to someone's day-to-day journal?  Especially the ones that are hosted by FREE BLOGGING SITES?  This is beyond egotism, this is something that completely blows my mind.
2. Ads, Ads, Ads...  The whole thing ties right in with the donations.  First off, you're too cheap to either a) register a domain or b) pay the couple of dollars for the no-ads subscription to the free blog hosting site.  This means that you're already coming out ahead.  Secondly, what size ego do you have that you think your time is worth SO MUCH that your <sarcasm>vast readership</sarcasm> should pay (if not in money, then in the suffering of their vision) to read your thoughts?  And if you're not making money off of the (Google) ads, why do you have them?  That's the major justification that I've seen in response to blog reviews.  What?  You LIKE giving free advertising to companies you have no stock in?  You think that Google needs help generating revenue so they don't go under?  Come on...
3. Blogging is not going to make you famous.  No, wait, this is important, I want you to pay attention to this...  Blogging is not going to make you famous.  Not in any real sense.  At best, you will gain some measure of renown on the internet - and even that will be your handle.  Very few people who don't know you personally care about the stuff you say.  Those who don't know you and still read or get to know you by reading, they are not going to make you famous - at least not for more than 15 minutes.
4. If you have something to say, how about YOU actually saying it?  Copying and Pasting from news sites, or worse, copying and pasting from FORUMS defeats the purpose.  You can CP everything from fark or slashdot or whatever, it doesn't make you cool, it doesn't make you helpful, all it does is waste my time!  Seriously, if I wanted to read fark or slashdot I would.  Frankly, if I already read them and then came to your blog it would REALLY piss me off to find that you don't even have commentary (witty or not) and you are still soliciting comments!  Dude, seriously, you are not those from whom you plagiarize...  don't even try.

*whew*  Ok, I feel better after that.  The one thing that I see more often than anything else on the reviews is aesthetic complaints.  Frankly, I understand that - broken templates, horrible color schemes, it all affects the overall ease of reading, but I don't even care about aesthetics.  If your content is good, nothing else should matter.  The problem is that your content and your style are affected by your solicitation for money or your apparent attempt for fame.

ALL THAT SAID, I have also found some pretty cool blogs in my journeys through the blogosphere.  They are pretty few and far between, but I've gotten to the point where I know which blogrolls (from people I don't actually know) are worth clicking through.  Most of them are themed - political, humor, photoblogs, etc. - because, again, the mundane journals of people I don't know simply are not all that interesting to me.

It's the ones who blog like I do that I most enjoy surfing by without blogmarking, honestly.  The people who move between stories of their day-to-day life, essays and op/ed pieces and rants on whatever...  it's the type of thing that makes me feel like I've gotten a sense of who they are.  Depending on how I got there, I may make a point to go there again, but usually it's just a passing moment of entertainment.  They're there, not for other people, not for elusive fame or money, but simply to have an outlet they don't mind others peeking into.

I don't know, maybe this entire post makes me a hypocrite, but honestly, I don't do this because I think I'm special, I don't do this because I want to be famous.  I'm certainly not trying to make any money off of it.  I guess I just wanted to bitch for a while.

Because, it all really comes down to one small point - this entire rant - the cause (or at least what's shouldering the blame) for all my discontent.

I REALLY WANT A FUCKING CIGARETTE.  RIGHT NOW.

~FG };^>

LOL! This is great!

~FG };^>

Ugh.  It's true.  I feel HORRIBLE.  I don't want another one...  I don't want any more.  I am done.

I opened a fresh pack this morning, made it through 14 of them.  Broke 6 in half.  Threw them all and all the butts away.  Tomorrow I clean the ashtrays.  I am DONE SMOKING. 

This is going to be very difficult, I know that from past experience, but I'm really ready to kick this habit.

So...  apologies to everyone for the bitchiness that is exceptionally likely to occur in the next few days...  weeks...  I don't know how long, but be nice to me...  be supportive.  I really mean this and I've been planning it for a while. 

*kicks habit*

~FG };^>

It's only fairly recently that I really began to understand the term "star-crossed lovers". 

I have this friend...  well, a couple of them actually, but we'll start with one.

One:  I have this friend, I've known him for a couple of years.  I'm very attracted to him and I always have been.  Funny thing, though, I've never actually met him.  Sure, we've had long discussions and midnight phone conversations, but I've never really seen his face, I've never met him in person. 

If it weren't for the fact that he lives hundreds (a thousand?) miles away from me...  huh...  I thought I knew what I was going to say, but I was wrong.  Take two: I think it's the fact that he lives hundreds (a thousand?) miles away from me that makes us star-crossed.  Not lovers.  We could never span the distance.

Two:  I have this friend.  I haven't known him all that long in the grand scheme of friendships.  We became close really quickly and got ourselves to a point where it often felt like we might as well be dating - and, in fact, people thought we were.

I spent months trying to convince my girls that there was nothing there between us and then, one random night, out of the blue I was smitten with him.  Being the coward that I am, but only when it comes to romance, I never said a word.  I hinted and slipped ideas, but never in a way that he would or maybe could understand.

Then I did something...  and I can't divulge the details, but it wouldn't surprise me if he felt betrayed by what I did, though after months of pining after him in a desperate loneliness, and trying and hoping that he would figure it out as I tried to be bolder and more blatant with each passing moment, I don't think it was actually a betrayal on my part.  So I did something, and I think I might have hurt him...  and I'm pretty sure I've lost him...

Star-crossed again, this time by loneliness.

Three:  I've blogged about Kenyon, who I loved as Matt before he took on his real name, and how we loved each other for years without ever saying a word until he proposed to me as I left the state with the man I would eventually marry...  and eventually leave.  Star-crossed by an unwillingness to break something that was already in existence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have shed many tears.  I have written songs for each and every star-crossing.  Tonight I cry again, once for each lover that I never touched in love.

~FG };^>

I was complaining over the weekend about the problem of time vs. money that seems to plague me.  It seems that I can have one or the other, but not both...  sometimes neither, go figure.

Right now it's time that I've got plenty of.  Being unemployed (whether by choice or against your will) will do that for you.  Don't get me wrong, there is work that I can be doing, but all of that is dependent on other people, so I have *plenty* of time on my hands at the moment.

This is really not a good thing for me.  I am, at my core, a restless and busy person.  I can't sit still for too long (unless I have a specific end goal associated with doing so).  Time on my hands is not something I do really well with, I often wind up wasting it.  Productivity, I think, has different definitions for different people, so I find myself trying to create that personal definition.

You may be wondering what I'm going to do with all this time.  Well, maybe you're not, but if you know me at all, you already know I'm going to tell you anyway :-P

I have ideas all the time that I never actually implement.  Usually they are fleeting thoughts, but now I can put them into motion almost as soon as they occur.  The first of these is a new blog idea that occurred to me this weekend.  It's not really the type of thing that I can do on my own - it's pretty dependent on other people, so we'll see where that one leads.

Keeping with the blogging theme, I'm trying to make an effort to make a go of Ramblings as well.  Early last year I decided that I was going to be better about writing things down and, with the exception of a month-long hiatus over the summer, I have been very good about that.  Now I'm taking that to the next level.  I requested a review from I talk too much, which was something I did in a moment of spontaneity and I'm not sure what that will actually bring.  I also went ahead and created an account with Blog Explosion which, theoretically, will bring more traffic to the site.  Again, not sure what will come of this.  I did it more for BlogAnon than for Ramblings, but maybe both will benefit from it.

I also want to get more in touch with the overall blog community.  As such, I'm finding myself looking through blogrolls and surfing Blog Explosion, just to see what's out there and learn about what other people are doing.  I think I may be a little too self-centered to really go for it, since I don't know how much I care about a lot of the people I don't know.  However, I am making the effort and that should count for something.  I also want to be a little more active with BeerBloggers, since I'm not sick anymore and can actually drink the beer in the fridge while we're still in the season for which it is intended.

Moving on, there's a drive to expand my skill set.  I have a couple of old computers that are just taking up space.  Since Ryan says that I should have any kind of knowledge of Unix, I'm thinking about setting up one of these boxes with Linux.  Being a Woman of Extremes, I can't do things halfway.  While it may be a good idea, I can't only go so far as to be able to hold an informed conversation on the topic, I need to be able to ask questions and then implement the answers.  This will certainly be a learning experience for me...  and probably some kind of experience as I start tapping into my network of Unix guys (*waves*  Hi, guys!) and seeing if they can't help me make things work.

THEN there's all the graphic design stuff that I haven't even thought about in the past forever months.  The "Where's Justin" t-shirt that will probably wind up being a Cafe Press shop of it's own, the redesign of the Hot Bad Guys swag, the secret project that I keep going back to because I cannot make it work no matter how many hours of Photoshopping I put into it.

Of course there's also the music, which the performance aspect of was on hold for a month.  Now that it's the New Year, though, I need to get back into that.  Should be starting that tomorrow, which is a little daunting, but also something I think I really need to do.  It's one of those situations where the more you don't do it, the easier it is to continue to *not* do it, so I need to motivate myself and get back out there.

Other little things include painting (so I have any money at all - lol), walking the Spawn home from school, spending more time with the Child of Chaos (who is two now and utterly adorable), and making a point to get out of the house every single day.

*whew*  It's exhausting just reading all of that.  I'll be interested in seeing how much of it I actually get done...  and how much more I wind up adding.

Overall, though, I have to say, I think I'd rather have money.  Time, I can usually do without.

~FG };^>

There are scenes and moments that live only in our memories.  I could say that to write them down is to lessen them, belittle them somehow, but that's not entirely accurate.  There are things that have no words to convey the moment, fleeting thoughts that simply do not allow themselves to be forced into phrases and cliches.

Sometimes these are stories.  They can be stories that we tell, but the gestures and body language allow them to be told.  When he spun off the cliff, to write that down would not convey the horror and ridiculousness that the rest of us experienced.  I can tell you and you might feel it, but to write it would ruin the story.

Sometimes these are moments, so brief that it would take more time to read or tell or write it down than the time it took to experience.  Those are private most of the time.  There is no way to effectively explain them.

Sometimes these are scenes that we act out between ourselves.  They hold no import to the world at large, but internally we recognize them as important or healing or emotional.  These are the treasures we keep in our hearts.  They cannot be shared, but on some level they already are.

I find myself plagued with things that cannot be written.  I know of only a handful of authors who can convey such things, but they are never true things.  They are only ever make-believe moments that remind us of the real moments we hold dear.

There are some things that cannot be written.

~FG };^>

I think this is one of the best New Year's that I've had in a while...

It started with a *very* nice dinner at Jason and Amber's (and 7 other people including me) and wound up, oddly enough in the same place I rang in last year.

Dinner was *good* and by good, I mean, I cannot put it into words.  Dinner was *good*.  I have decided that I know so many really excellent cooks (and am one myself) that I need to hold a gourmet pot luck - everything (mostly) from scratch and a most excellent feast.  I think I have found the theme for my next party. 

The alcohol was copious and very effective.  Three or four bottles of wine and Jello shots made with Everclear.  Distributed between 9 people it meant that we *all* (save the two sober drivers) had a pretty good buzz going on by the time we left to go out.  I was ambushed by a girl who sat me down and put makeup on me (which was an interesting experience, especially the reactions... I really just don't *do* the makeup thing.

After piling 9 people into an Explorer that was barely big enough to hold everyone, we were on our way and ready to enjoy ourselves.

So I was kissed at midnight, in almost the exact same spot as last year, but this time by someone I know, unlike last year.  I was out with friends and danced to the stylings of the most Jewish DJ ever.  I kind of wish I had asked his name.

I rescued a couple of people a little bit, by talking to a girl who needed a little companionship, by cloaking (heh, literally) a girl hiding from her friends and then by whispering a few choice words to someone who looked far too sad to be ringing in the New Year.  There were a few endings, (but for me they were peripheral) as there tend to be around this time of year, but overall it was a very good time and a proper ringing in. 

I have only one resolution and I am mostly keeping that one to myself for now.

The words of a local comedian I know haunt me far too often.  I was nearly in physical pain as "Pour Some Sugar On Me" permeated the dance floor and surrounding area.  His comedy routine certainly hits home more often than I care to admit.  It's really kind of funny that I've felt so much truth in the words of one very young man...  I've said it to him before, but I hope I'll see him again when I start going back to the open mics so that I can tell him, once more, how much truth there is in so many of his words.

Probably my one mistake last night was in the outfit I chose.  Usually on New Year's I wear my little black dress, cutest shoes ever and lots of shiny, sparkly rhinestones.  Considering that we were going to a friend's house for dinner, I decided I would feel really overdressed in that getup, so I instead chose my favorite dress, which is a summer dress...  and the only shoes that work well with it, which are, of course, summer shoes.  My feet were very cold, walking through the freshly-fallen snow and, LOL, the leather of the shoes dyed my feet through my stockings, and now they are a little brown on the sides.  I also wore my glowing necklace much to the amusement of pretty much everyone who saw it.

I'm feeling like I started this year off right, in the company of people I like and enjoy very much, partying the night away, dancing and really being in the moment.  I can't think of what I could have done to make it better.  It was really everything I wanted.

*toasts to 2006*

~FG };^>