Last night a friend of mine called me "long-winded" in reference to my blog.  He's not wrong.  Several people in the past few days have told me I'm a good writer.  Honestly, if I wasn't, I wouldn't write ;-)  At least one person has expressed surprise at how much of myself I put forth in my blog.  All of these things combine to make me rather introspective, as I have been for the past couple weeks, at least.

I write this blog because it's the only form of a journal that I've been able to keep.  I think that part of that is that I'm just as free to post diatribes and essays on topics that don't fit into the standard journal format.  It's a free-for-all, basically, with little to no rhyme or reason other than it all comes from me.  Hence, the title of the Blog, Ramblings of Fyre. 

I read an article recently that discussed anonymity in the internet age and the lengths to which some people have gone to ensure their continued anonymity.  I do not have that luxury, nor am I sure that I want it.  If people look for my real name, they won't find much, but if they know to look for FyreGoddess, there is a wealth of information.  I have made a name for myself in certain areas on the internet with this very handle.  It's one I'm starting to feel I've owned and there's a persona that I've developed over the years that I really like.  Part of me resents how easy it is to find me, but there's an even larger part of me that *really* resents the pseudo-FyreGoddesses that exist out there...  many of whom are no longer in existence.  I've been building this persona for 6-7 years.  It's mine now.

Example:  I just now ran a Google search on FyreGoddess.  Out of the first 10, only two (one of them a sub-link) were not me.  In the second 10, four are not me and they come up Page Cannot be Displayed and one of them might have been me, I tried to log into the forums, but it said the username does not exist.  Further weeding through leads to many broken links which may or may not have once been me and many, MANY references that are, in fact, me.

It is mine now.  I don't think I want to lose that.  I've put a good bit of effort into gaining whatever bizarre internet status that I have.  I don't think I'd give that up for anything.  If that means that people know me, so be it.

Back to the point... 

I do post personal things.  I let my guard way down in my blog because it's a safe place for me.  This is where I come to download the thoughts and information that cycles through my head, otherwise being much more difficult to sort through.  I can let my words flow and see where they take me and, believe me, not everything gets posted.  If you were to ask Miz or Girl or any one of a couple other people, you'd find that there's a whole lot that I do NOT say out loud (or, type in the blog?) because it's just too dangerous.  Some things are not for public consumption.  I've addressed that in another (recent) post.

But I have been introspective lately.  I've been doing a lot of soul searching in my downtime and that surely comes through in my blog.  I don't think I've written as many essays or op/eds as I would like to, but this stuff is important too.

Sometimes I think about the fact that other people are coming here and reading my words, sifting through whatever tedium I'm trying to make interesting and I wonder if I should maybe instead have two blogs.  One for the personal stuff and one for the other stuff, but I don't think that's the answer.  It would mean I would be more divided and, likely, one or the other would suffer.  I also think that if people are going to read whatever it is I have to say, they're probably reading me for my style, not my content...  and if they are reading for the content, and reading the details and introspection, then they must be wanting to know more about me...  or at least captivated by the words I use to put that information forth.